Frida Rose Gaspar

As I stood in line, sweat building along my hairline, I couldn’t help but think, “Okay, but what’s next?” My friend Sarah, standing just ahead of me, graced the stage and accepted her diploma. I stepped onto a bright yellow X marked on the floor, handed my name card to an usher, and waited for my cue to walk. Unaware that I had to initiate my own walk for the announcer to present my name, I stood frozen, hesitating. An usher had to gently prompt me, saying, “Go ahead, sweetie,” assuring me it would be okay and essentially initiating my transition into post-grad life.

The Aftermath:

The rest of the day was a blur, but the intense feeling of grief for my college life lingered for weeks. I remain gripped by post-grad anxiety, feeling nervous about what’s to come. I kept asking myself, “What am I if not a student?” For the last 16 years, my identity was tied to the title of “student,” and now I have to create a career to replace that title. Especially after a global pandemic that took my high school graduation, I still feel like that 17 year old girl who is completing her final moments of high school sitting on an Ikea pullout couch in her parent’s basement. Throughout these past four years I finally felt myself pulling through my mix of emotions that the pandemic has left me with, only to fall back into the unknown.

To say the job hunt has been a confusing journey would be an understatement. It can be draining to see my peers succeed while I feel that I haven’t set myself up for the same. In the communications industry, networking and connections can mean the difference between getting a job or not. As I step into this world at an entry-level, I understand I still have room to grow and thrive. Having grown up around the entertainment industry and Hollywood, I know how this works. It’s not only about what you know but also who you know. While it will be a long time before I reach those heights, networking and making connections in my field continue to be crucial. I have a ways to go before “connections” become my forté and something I can confidently use in my PR arsenal.

Building a New Routine:

After my summer job fell through a few days before graduation, I found myself sleeping a lot, feeling like a failure for sitting around and doing nothing. As someone who thrives on routine, especially in the mornings, having a full schedule makes me feel productive and successful. The idea of having nothing to do and ‘relaxing’ doesn’t come naturally to me anymore. When I am not in school, I am working. Initially without school, I felt like a lost puppy searching for purpose.

It wasn’t until a conversation with a professional in the PR industry that my nerves were eased. I connected with her during the final weeks of the school year, and we talked extensively about feelings of imposter syndrome. I didn’t feel qualified to be in “the real world” yet. At the end of our conversation, I realized I had been seeking validation from others without believing in myself. My mom also advised me after graduation that I needed to redefine my routine outside of being a student, and as usual, she was right. I finally understood that revolving my life around the pressures of academia is not sustainable. However, separating my personal life from school has been challenging, especially when the two were so integrated during college.

I hope to use these last few months of fleeting summer to reflect and figure out how I want the rest of my life to look.

Pursuing Personal Growth:

For now, I am going to take the advice of those around me and use this time to figure out what I truly want. I want to return to the activities I loved before my schedule became too hectic. This means finding time to be active every day and keeping my body moving. It also means finally tackling the pile of sewing projects I have been putting off for months. Additionally, I want to try a new ham and cheese quiche recipe I have been eyeing for weeks. As I move forward, I hope my path will become clearer, and my motivation to work will align with the opportunities I find. For now, I want to savor my final moments in the city that has shaped my life for the past four years. As the infamous Ferris Bueller says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Overall, this post may come across as the sullen ramblings of a post-grad, and to some degree, it is. I am acutely aware of the unique luxury I have to step back and relax from life, a privilege in these times. Being able to critique the world from behind my computer is a blessing I am sure I will appreciate 20 years from now. In truth, I am a nervous wreck about what is to come. However, I take comfort in knowing that all the amazing people in my life didn’t have it figured out right away either. Every adult I’ve talked to about these feelings has laughed, not in a demeaning way, but as if my doubts mirrored their past experiences.

So, let this post serve as a timestamp of my post-grad woes of an anxiety-ridden girl loosening the reins and letting life take over. I hope to look back at this post in the years to come with the same sense of reflection I see in the adults around me—the relief that my life did, in fact, work out. Whether my words resonate, cheers to life and the experiences it brings! I hope I can walk into this next chapter of life hesitation-free, no cue needed. 

Written By Frida Gaspar